March 2025
Time is flying by very fast. I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything significant yet. It's like I'm stuck, and I can't help but feel useless. I feel poor, unloved, and unheard. Whenever I try to open up to someone, it often turns into a competition of who’s more miserable, and that I don't have the right to feel such a way because I have responsibilities and obligations. This only makes me shut down even more. So, I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I’ve been feeling really down for a while, and with my tendency toward depression, I try to get out, distract myself, and control the situation before it gets worse. But deep down, I just wish someone would genuinely love me, listen to me, and lift me up. My heart aches. I long for someone to have meaningful conversations with and share some joy. So, I just go along with life.
The people around here feel robotic—no passion, no empathy, always rushing through life, and everything seems like a competition. It’s hard for me to focus on what I need to do. I overthink, and it’s all just overwhelming.
My high school alma mater recognized me as one of the outstanding alumni in the fields of architecture and arts. Out of hundreds of thousands of alumni, they chose me. I should be proud of this achievement. I should be.
The World Art Dubai event is coming up on April 17th. It’s one of the biggest events in Dubai for artists. I spent 2200 AED to display three paintings. The problem is, I haven’t even started them yet. I used to dream about being part of this event, but now I don’t feel as excited about it. Why is that? Maybe I'll try again in the coming years if it’s really worth it.
Even though I’m feeling down, I’m still holding onto hope that this year will be a good one. We need to keep pushing, make wise choices, and stay focused on what we need to do. Sadness can’t be ignored; it has to be faced. But we also need to show up to work every day, no matter how hard it is.
Let’s keep going, everyone.
Xoxo,
Nellie